Things in my life have been looking much better. As I siad a couple weeks ago I have been thinking about looking into schooling to become a personal trainer.  I contacted Branford Hall to get information about the NASM certificate. NASM stands for National Academy of Sports Medicine. I was talking to a very good friend of mine about becoming a personal trainer. He is a very high manager at WOW Fitness. After talking to several personal trainers at WOW, they all said the best certificate to go for is the NASM certificate. One thing that was really awesome was when talking to Rich he told me, “I think you would be good at it. You have worked out for a while now and you know what you are doing.” That means a lot coming from someone who has been in the business for a long time.

Another thing that came up with Rich is obviously as a personal trainer you have to look the part. I know that at this present time, I do not look the part. However I can look at it from two ways. I can look at it as a obstacle. Or I can look at it as opportunity. One of my jobs as a personal trainer would be to help people who are over weight, to lose that weight and get in better shape. What better way to show that I know what I am doing by being someone who is overweight, and then loses all that weight. That would be the best thing to show my clients. To be my very own success story.

Back to Branford Hall. Last week, an advisor called me because I requested information on their NASM program. I have not called back yet because I was trying to get in contact with my grandmother, who I tend to go to for advice on certain things. I wanted to bounce ideas to ensure that I ask the right questions and I am best prepared for when I call the advisor back.

I will be completely honest. I am scared to death to call her back. There are going to be some major obstacles to overcome in order for me to go back to school. I have not been in school in twelve plus years. Being away so long and being back in a class room is going to be very tough. Last time I went to college, it didn’t go very well. Part of that was my maturity. I handled it very poorly. But I was also eighteen years old when I was going to Central.

Another huge obstacle for me is financially. How am I going to pay for this? Will I be able to secure enough grants? Will I be able to get a loan to pay for what the grants do not cover? I have very poor credit. I have never been wise with my money. It’s pretty much going to take a act of God to secure the finances for this. This is something I can use a lot of prayer on.

Plus I am not completely sure how being on unemployment will affect anything. Will it cause my unemployment to drop or worse lose it? I have heard both it could go up or I could lose it. For a long time I was under the impression that if I go to school while unemployment, I can lose my unemployment. I never though that made any sense at all. That is a call that I will be making very soon.

One of the things I talked about was the fact that I have been very lonely. How I have given up on my love life. I have made a decision that I am taking a break from it. I need to work on fixing me before I will be going after anyone. I want to be the best man that I can be for whoever my future wife will be. And thats going to take some work. I have already started by getting back into God’s Word. Also by looking to improve my career. By putting God first in my life. Once I get those things in place, more so God being number one, I think that I will then meet someone. And if not, then so be it. I am not going to dwell on it anymore. I am not gong to feel sorry for myself. I’m not going to torture myself with that.

For a week or so I did a reading plan from youversion on courage. For a long time I didn’t feel very courageous and I really needed that. The readings constantly talked about being strong and courageous in all that we do. Also hit on that if we do the work that God places before us, we will be rewarded. It shouldn’t really be about wanting to receive awards, though they are nice. It should be about doing the things God asks us to do. About being the man that God asks me to be. I have no doubt in my mind that after this reading plan, I am more so the man that God wants me to be.

For the first time in well over a year, I took a Sunday off from setting up, running pro presenter, and tearing down. All morning I was very fidgety  because I didn’t know what to do with myself.  However what I am learning is that I need to give myself more weeks off. Not because I deserve to take weeks off. But to give other people more opportunities to serve. It has been said that a leader is not judged by the work that he does, but by the team he builds around him and the job they do when the leader is not there. I haven’t done the best job at building a team around me. I have great people on the production team. We have great people that help set up and tear down. But does set up, tear down, and pro presenter go as easy as it should without me there. Judging by today it does for the most part. There are still a few things I need to train more people on. And that is my next goal for the set up and production teams. I need to be able to give me and Ed more weeks off. Ed does a lot himself. My goal is to have teams setup that has the people that setup are not the same people that tear down. The people that run the productions, don’t setup or tear down the weeks they are running their particular equipment.

I love the heart of the people on these teams. They will do anything they are asked to do to make sure that Jesus’ name is made famous. And I love that about them. However, I don’t want any of them being burnt out. A lot of them, just like me, have only missed a handful of weeks setting up and tearing down. But also I want to be able to give more people the opportunity to serve. Is this a gola that will be achieved soon? Probably not. However it is a long term goal I would like to see achieved sooner rather than later.

That is mostly everything I have on my mind right now. I think I am going to try and post one of these “State of Rob” posts more often. Some of them will be whine sessions like the last one I did. Some will be more of a update of things going on in my life like this one. Most will be more like this. This is going to be a lot like my very own therapy sessions. It allows me to get a lot of things off my chest that I tend to hold in. Perhaps by doing these more of these, everything won’t build up as much as it did as last time. I do still need prayer and I really appreciate it from everyone who does. I look forward to share more of my life and my journey to the next step in my life.

2 Chronicles 15:7 But as for you, be strong and courageous, for your work will be rewarded.”

Observation: The middle east has always been a place where there is constant fighting. Especially back in the Old Testament times. Whenever Israel followed God, they would be free and victorious. Whenever there strayed away from God, they were always captured by another country. Maybe it sounds cruel, but its just like a parent disciplining their child. The parent doesn’t want to do it, or allow things to happen, but has to in order for the child to learn and grow.  King Asa was leading the southern kingdom of Israel. The northern kingdom was far from God. Azariah came to King Asa encouraging him to keep fighting for God. He told the King to stay strong and courageous, for his work will be rewarded.

Application:  Today is the last day for this reading plan. The constant theme is to be strong and courageous. Also that you will be rewarded for the work that you do. I feel that after reading this plan, I feel much stronger and courageous than I was before. I am taking more of the right steps. I am happier. A lot of that is that I am back in God’s Word. I may have missed a day or two, but it’s more time than I have spent in a long time. My application is to be stronger and more courageous in everything I do.

Prayer: God, I pray that I can be strong and courageous in EVERYTHING I do. I know that it all starts with me. It starts with my attitude. I thank You for being so patient with me. I will continue to grow. I will stay in Your Word. Thank You,  Jesus. Amen

Scripture: 1 Chronicles 22:13 For you will be successful if you carefully obey the decrees and regulations that the Lord gave to Israel through Moses. Be strong and courageous; do not be afraid or lose heart!

1 Chronicles 28:20  Then David continued, “Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Don’t be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. He will see to it that all the work related to the Temple of the Lord is finished correctly.

Observation: This is a pretty cool passage. It’s a conversation between a father and a son…between the greatest human king of Israel and his son….between the man after God’s own heart and who ends up being the wisest man to ever live. David was telling his son Solomon that he was going to be in charge of building God’s temple. That’s a pretty hefty task that is put on Solomon.  David tells Solomon to be strong and courageous as he takes on the task. He also told him that as long as he follows God’s word and does the work, he will be successful.

Application: Solomon had a pretty huge task that was put on him. I have nothing anywhere near that huge on me. But I do have a big responsibility on me at Catalyst Church. I have done a lot, but I havent been as strong and courageous as I could have been. I could do a MUCH better job leading the setup and production teams. I think over the last week or so I have stepped up a lot….in a lot of things. I will continue to grow and do the work. I need to work on following God’s Word more, but I have been doing a lot better.

Prayer: God, I thank you for trusting me with helping people find God through Catalyst. I know I haven’t lived up to my potential, but I am changing that now. I want to be able to say that I did everything I can to make Jesus famous.  I don’t want to have any regrets. I pray that I will constantly be pushed in the right direction. Thank You, Jesus. Amen.

Observation: The High Priest that is being talked about here is Jesus. He lived on the Earth, as a man, for thirty-three years. During that time He was tempted time and time again. It’s not a sin to be tempted. It’s the same concept as dieting. Seeing the food is not the problem….not the sin. It’s when we give in and overstuff ourselves that it becomes a problem. Its when we give into temptation that we actually sin. Jesus showed us that it is possible to fight off temptation and not sin.

Application: There are things that I am tempted with everyday. We all are. There are times that I give in. Being lazy is definitely a huge one as of late. Not that sitting back and relaxing is a bad thing, but when it slows you down or stops you from doing the things you’re suppose to do is when it becomes a issue. That’s a good part of the reason this S.O.A.P. is late. Granted I was a day ahead of schedule(posted two in one day) I still missed spending time with God yesterday. I want to break that habit, and I will.

Prayer: God, I pray that I can fight off the temptations I face daily. They are there to try and keep me from doing the right things. I mess up a lot, but I think I am making strides and getting better. Thank You for being patient with me. Thank You for putting AMAZING friends in my life. Thank You, Jesus. Amen.

Ephesians 3:12   Because of Christ and our faith in him, we can now come boldly and confidently into God’s presence.

Observation: Today is two very short and to the point verses. They hit on courage strongly. In Psalms, it talks about how the wicked tend to run away from things. They feel like someone or something is after them. They feel like they are being chased. But those who are Godly have the courage to boldly stand against all things coming after them. In Ephesians, it goes on saying that because of Christ, the Godly can dare to stand in the presence of God. The Godly can talk to God about anything and everything.

Application: I tend to not go to God for everything. I always have thought ” Other people have bigger problems. They need God’s help more than me.” I’m not saying that in a ego way.I always think that my problems are so trivial that they aren’t worthy of God’s time and effort. I need to start giving all of me,problems included, to God. I need to have the courage to boldly and confidently go before God with ALL that I am.

Prayer: God, I pray that I can trust You more in all aspects of my life. I want to be able to give my ALL to You. Thank You, Jesus. Amen.

Observation: Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego showed extreme faith and were very courageous. They put their lives on the line and told the king that they don’t have to defend their actions to the king. They refused to go against God and bow before the idols that King Nebuchadnezzar put before them. During this time, you would be put to death if you disobeyed the king. But that didn’t matter to these three. Following the one true God mattered. Because of their strong faith and being so courageous, God saved them from the blazing furnace.

Application: Times today, it is not as hard to be a disciple as it was then. Yet we,I, still fail to trust God wholeheartedly. Would I show the faith that these three showed with their courageous actions? I highly doubt it. I barely trust Him with my finances, let alone life and death situations like this. I need to become more faithful. I need to START with my tithing. Once I start handing over my idol, perhaps I will start living a more faithful and courageous life.

Prayer: God, I want to trust You in every aspect of my life. I pray that I can take this first step. I pray that I can continue every week in trusting You with my finances. I have done a HORRIBLE job with them so far. I need Your help to get on track. You can do more with 90% than I can 100%. God, I pray that I can be patient with the blessings. I know they won’t be overnight. I know that I am still reaping all my poor financial decisions. Thank You, Jesus. AMEN.

Deuteronomy 31:23 23  Then the Lord commissioned Joshua son of Nun with these words: “Be strong and courageous, for you must bring the people of Israel into the land I swore to give them. I will be with you.”

Observation: Over the course of these ten verses, God told Joshua to “be strong and courageous” four times. The job that was put on Joshua was very important. To be trusted with such a job, Joshua had to already prove himself worthy. God still drilled into him to “be strong and courageous.” He also told Joshua not to be afraid or discouraged, for God is on his side. He also told him to read and meditate on God’s Word day and night. All these things would ensure Joshua was ready for the job at hand.

Application:  For a long time I have been slipping. I haven’t been strong or courageous. I haven’t been in God’s Word. I haven’t done a lot of things that I should be doing. I need to stop being scared. I need to start being strong and courageous. I have started getting back into God’s Word with this post, but I need to start meditating on it day and night. There are many things I could have done if I had just taken these verses and applied them to my life. My goal is to start that right now.

Prayer: God, I need Your help. I want the passion I use to have. I want to be strong and courageous for You. I pray that I can start being more consistent in my walk with You. I thank You for being so patient with me. I need that. I’m sorry for not being the MAN I should be. I pray that I can change that. Thank You, Jesus. Amen

Let me explain. I’m not doing the things I should be doing. I’m not going hard to find a new job like I should. Not that there is a lot out there right now, but I can try harder. I really feel like less of a man a lot because of the fact I’m not working.

I’m not doing a whole lot of anything that is productive. My highlights of the week is going to the gym, playing softball, and going to church. Those are all very good things, but there is a huge hole.

The biggest reason that there is a hole in my life is the fact I am not reading the Bible as much as I need to. I’m not talking to God as much as I should. I know it all starts with getting with God. Yet at the same time I have grown to be so lazy that I keep putting it off. “I’ll start tomorrow.” or “I’ll start next week…” or “next month.”

There are things I know I need to do, but for some reason I just don’t do it. I don’t get it. Its like Paul said in Romans 7:18-20 “18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.”

I want to change things. I mean I’m not doing any bad things like going out drinking, doing drugs, having sex or anything like that. However I have become very lazy and very distracted. Those are the very tools the Devil uses to take you out of doing what God wants you to do. Because I am not doing the right things, it has put the very hole in me that I have been speaking of.

Part of my problem also is the fact that I have become very lonely. I have gotten very close to my best friend Doreen and her family. They have taken me in. I call her my sister. I call her kids my nieces. Her fiancee has become like my brother. And I call his kids my nephews. However for a while now, I have felt I have been putting a strain on our friendship. I have been smothering them too much. Almost taken advantage of them. It hasn’t been on purpose. I don’t go out and say “hey I think I will take advantage of these people.” My true thoughts behind it all is I have never been that close to a lot of my family. When I was a kid, the person I have wanted to go to my baseball games, never did. The person I wanted to go out and play catch with, I never had. And I never had anyone step up in that spot.

This may get some of my family mad, and that is not the goal of this. I have had some good times with my aunt, uncle, and cousins. There have been a few times I had fun with my Dad. He would take me to the race track, which was cool. Maybe its selfish of me, but instead of being interested in the very things I was in to, he tended to be all about racing over everything. Instead of being the Dad I needed, he was rarely there. Don’t get me wrong, I love my Dad. More than he may know. I wish we were closer than we are. I don’t know if we ever will be that close. He has started getting away from racing being number one in his life, which is a very big step for him.

I am also a part of the problem. Maybe I should go more on the fishing trips with him and my brothers. It’s not really my thing. But maybe I need to step up and put effort in the relationship between me and my family. What hurts though is some of them, very close relatives, tend to talk a lot of trash about me behind my back. These are suppose to be the very people that have my back. Yet they are the very ones who take the knife, stick it in my back, and twist. They know who they are. I forgive them, but it still hurts more than you know.

What I envisioned for my life at this point is that I would be married. I would have a couple kids. Yes I know there is plenty of time left to still do that. I know its all in God’s timing. But at 32 years old, I have practically given up on it. I feel like I am meant to be alone. Thats a big part of the reason why I have gotten so attached to Josh, Cheyenne, Vanessa, Jazmyn, Hailey, Makayla, Makenzie, Liam, Alex, and Tyler. I feel that they are the closest I am going to be to having my own kids. Being a part of Doreen’s family like I am, I feel like that is the closest I am going to be to having a family life.

When I am home, all I do is go in my room and stay there. I play WoW, Zelda, and watch TV. Thats it. All by myself. Being with Doreen’s family, I get that movie time with the family….going out and doing stuff with the kids…..seeing the smiles on their face. I love that. I love seeing Doreen and Glen’s life shape up and things coming together for them. I love being a part of it. But how much is too much? Their friendship means more to me than they could ever imagine. And I don’t want to ruin that. Is being with them all the time putting a strain on it? I don’t know.

I had a big talk with Doreen the other day. My heart was very heavy with a lot of these concerns. Along with other things going on with my life. I broke down. We had a very good talk. I still don’t know what to do, but I feel much better about the situation.

Well this whole post has so far me whining a lot. It has helped to get a lot of my chest. I tend to hold everything in, and I know thats not good. But its time to change the tune.

Two weeks ago, I got back into the gym. I go twice a day, three days a week. The first time I go, I go with Doreen and her Aunt. I have actually been training them. So while they do cardio, I do cardio with them. Then after that I help motivate them and show them workouts to do. Later in the day, I go with Glen and Red and we do our work out. We do more cardio and have a routine designed specifically for us. Last week I pushed myself much harder, and was very surprised with how much strength I still have. Back when I was a gym rat, I was able to bench 315 lbs 8 times. That put my max at pretty close to 400 lbs. Last week I put 225 lbs on the bar just to see what I can do with it, and I was able to put it up 8 times. I was very happy with that. I was hoping to get a couple up. So obviously this week I am going to push myself that much harder.

But training Doreen and Auntie as well as putting together the workout for me,Glen and Red, I have started to thinking about looking into schooling for becoming a personal trainer. I also have a very good friend who is looking at things for me. I think it will be a good career choice for me. Granted I need to get in much better shape myself, but if my career is built around it, it should give me the motivation to do it. And because I am losing all the weight and getting in better shape, it will give me something to show my clients when I do this. Also by getting a career, it will help with the depression I have had. I will be doing something productive. I will be living a healthier lifestyle. And hopefully I will be getting my life with God on track. If I start doing all these things, I will be fixing a lot of the problems that I have. And the first thing I need to do is get my life with God back on track. I need prayer, and I hope that whoever reads this finds it in their heart to pray for me. I have a long journey to get my life back together, and I am hoping that TODAY not tomorrow is when I start it. I think tonight I am going to start with finding something in the Bible to go through. If I start tonight, and I get really motivated, I could have my life with God right back on track. So be prepared for a second post tonight. Thank you all for who have and who will support me. It means the world to me.

Observation: This whole chapter deals with Job cursing the day he was born. He wished he was born dead, or even never born. That way he wouldn’t be dealing with all the pain, both physically and emotionally.

Application: I am having a really hard time seeing how to apply what I saw in this chapter to my life. It is just Job complaining. But what I do see is that it is exactly what I felt a couple weeks ago. Even though I was nowhere near the scale that Job was at, it felt like my whole life had crumbled. All I did was complain, complain, and complain. I know I said things to people that I probably shouldn’t of.  Nothing really mattered to me. It showed me that trials and tribulations can really change someone. I am probably one of the most positive person out there. But for most of July, I was not positive. I was very negative. I was very down. I, like Job, wised I wasn’t even born. So in a way I can relate to how he felt, just not to the scale he was hit. I did complain to people, but I HATED doing that. I don’t like complaining. Its hard for me to let people in how I feel, especially when its negative. I feel like I shouldn’t be complaining. I know there are people way worse off than I am and I have no right to. And in my head, if you could only hear the arguing that goes on about that. Now I’m sounding like I’m crazy. Its just a lot of thinking.

Prayer: God, I pray that I can really think about this chapter more. I pray that you can show me more of what I need to learn from this. I don’t think I have what You wanted to show me. And maybe I need to read it again. God I pray that you really put on my heart what you want to really hit me here. Thank You. Amen

Scripture: Job 2:12-13 ¹² When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. ¹³ Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.

Observation: When Job’s friends saw the suffering he was going through, they barely recognized him. His physical suffering was that bad. Because of this, they felt such a strong compassion that they began weeping themselves.  For 7 days and 7 nights they said nothing to him. You may think this is a little weird. But back in those times, it was Jewish custom that when people come to comfort somebody who is mourning, they wouldn’t speak until the mourner speaks. A lot of times when we see someone suffering, we have the urge to say something spiritual or insightful. A lot of the time that is not what they need. They need someone who is emphatically silent and shows them compassion.

Application: There are a ton of times that I have seen friends go through some pretty hard times. And I haven’t been there for them. I haven’t weeped with them. I haven’t showed the compassion that Jesus showed time and time again. I haven’t managed myself enough to be able to help my friends out the best I can. And that is something I really need to work on. I need to stop making excuses on why I can’t do things.

Prayer: God, I know I haven’t been as big of a help to my friends that I could be. God, I pray that you can mold me to be more compassionate. I pray that I can be that open ear. I pray that when my friends are going through their trials and tribulations, that I can show them compassion. Thank you Jesus. In Your heavenly name, Amen

Today I got some out of the chapter I read. But I got a lot more out of the prayer that I had before I read. I realized so much. I have some things to think about. I have changes in my life I need to make, and I’m going to make them. Number one is being 100% sure that God is first in my life. It’s amazing how easy it is to push Him aside.  I am going to make sure that He is Lord of ALL my life. Not just this piece or that piece, but ALL of it.  All I need is you, Lord!